I just can't take it anymore

So its been a very long time. Sorry sometimes I just dont feel like writing about everything in my life. This long weekend we rode on thomas, which has been my dream for like EVER lol jk

Then off to Idaho to hang with Mallorie/Jon. I got my hair cut in an a line style, every one loves it!

Hot I KNOW!!! haha

We played games, ate my suprise graduation cake.

I dont feel like talking anymore but finally the ending is that Cory is in jail for 6 months probably more cuz he doesnt have any money and neither does his friends or family to bail him out. It has to be $900 IN CASH.

I can't stop crying because I am SO upset about and work WAS SO stupid today I was close to yelling at the customers and all my employees or walking out. GRRR
ttyl bye

Blast to the past!

It's not that long ago in the past haha but its all that has happened sense about Saturday. I've been just lazy in writing about myself haha

Friday Mallorie, Jon, and the dogs came down to visit for the day. That is ALWAYS fun! :D

Then I worked from about 4-1:30, I was closing backline. I will admit I was scared but also angry because the manager Allie that was closing with me looked like she didnt think I could do it. And didnt want to be there way late and she thought i'd slow her down. It turned out I did it JUST fine by myself and pretty did everything right and we were there tell about 2:30 and it was because SHE wasnt done yet. The jerk! And the only thing I got really upset about was that I broke one of the heat lamps :( But Chae wasnt mad thank heavens!!

Then Saturday was the wonderful Sadie Hawkins dance. It actually went VERY VERY well!

Either way it was REALLY fun!! I did end up locking my car keys/house keys in the house but we still had fun! BUT I didnt know Trevor doesnt dance so that part was lame cuz he wouldnt dance with me. Afterwards we went to Sonic, then tped Kates house, then went to walmart to get soda to blow up and just played around at the park for a bit.

Sunday was very nice and laid back. Monday I started to realized by drinking more and more water and eating less sweets my stomach stopped hurting. So I made a plan to not eat sweets and eat better and less amounts of food, drink more water and start SAVING money.

Tuesday I donated blood!!!! I had to pee SO bad while I was sitting there. When I lose blood i'm really fun to be around. :D I got pretty bored Tuesday and decided to take pictures sense it was SO nice outside so off I went and it became a spring photo craz, then Wednesday I did the SAME thing, but with my best friend Kate. Today is going good so far.

OH my plan i came up with is... Go somewhere like a cabin or a lake house for a week with a friend or 2 with NO cell phones, tv, or internet and strive to become closer to the Lord. I just hope I can find a place and someone to do it with.

All has been pretty good, I just wish Dallin would write me a letter soon.

Love,

Holly Jean

p.s. later I will upload a BUNCH of the Spring Craz pictures :D

dreams

Last Night I had TWO dreams that were crazy.
1. I walked into my house and some guy was following me that kind of looked like Taft. (like a ghost)He knocked on the door, I let him in. (I wasn't scared I kind of felt at peace.) I looked at him and said is it you? He said yes. Can I touch you? yes you can he said. So I basically jumped into his arms and hugged him so tight!
2. My friend Jessica Shelton and I were camping with our families and there was this cave and when you went into it there was this HUGE lake. The something happened like we found this body in the lake (it was of the body on the show medium I had watched) Then I was home all of a sudden my friend Ashlee was there and Cory. I started to see dead people and I was a little scared, it was dark outside and I kept trying to shut the door and lock it but it kept popping back open. Then Ashlee had to leave and FINALLY I got the door shut. Cory was going to leave but I begged him not to and he listened to me. He goes I won't, I love you. (which was a suprise because we've never gotten to the point to tell each other that) And so I sat next to him on the couch and laid my head on his shoulder.

Crazy stuff, sometimes dreams seem so stupid and weird but other times like my first dream feels more like a message saying everything is okay.
Today was pretty good, I didn't get too mad today. Which is suprising haha. I finished my High School like story and it was 6 pages long!!! Freak, I probably forgot some things still but oh well.
I went home to relax for a bit and then went to work. It was pretty slow and boring and Maria accused me of lying to her. I told her I don't lie and I don't usually but I did lie to her but I only did because it was none of her business to know the truth!
At arby's people use A LOT of sarcasm, and I start using some and people start acting weird. Can I not use sarcasm? Gosh, that makes me so angry! So they let me leave early even though I didnt want to. Then I just came home and finished my project on down syndrome, the poster actually turned out pretty good and I learned quite a bit about the disability. I also made a cool program paper for the preschool graduation! I just need to find a good poem to read.... any thoughts??
Off to bed night!
Love,
Holly Jean

People seemed different

I woke up pretty happy but my start of the day was weird. I worked with a different stupid in special needs and it was kind of hard. Then I was off to TA for the office and soon 2 people came in that used to ta for the office and they just took over MY JOB!!! I hate when people do that, how am i supposed to learn when I never get a chance to do it. GRRR
Then I went home and decided to try to feel the spirit and read up on scritural stuff. Then I took a nap. Off to seminary I went and it was pretty good, we read in James and what I got out of part of it was that you need to watch what you say because it could either hurt someone or change their life. Then I went to work, and it was pretty good for the most part. Cory was being really mean a rude today. I don't know what was with him but it was upsetting. Nick just makes my day though, he is so funny. OH Stephanie my old friend when I was a sophomore came to see me with her baby and I havent seen her in forever!!! I have missed her, it was really good to finally see her.
Man did I eat too many airheads today my stomach is full of all this junk!
I am pretty exhausted so good night
Love,
Holly Jean

No where to fit in

I stayed at Jessica's for the weekend. I just caught up on all my shows I missed. Crazy stuff goingon with my tv shows. Then I got up and about 10ish I left to come home. I just relaxed until I had to go to church. Fast sunday but it was an amazing testimony I heard from someone soon to be baptized. Those people sure make you realize what you should be grateful for everyday! (haveing this gospel)
I was just pretty exhausted so I got some good stuff out of lessons but wasn't fully there. Then after at 6 it was a fireside from Elder Bednard. It was pretty good but everything i've heard before. Plus I asked Tucker to save a seat for me and i texted him asking if he was there and he never texted back I get in there. I sit down cuz i dont see him then I do and notice (or assumed) he didn't save me a seat. There wasnt really any room. So I almost wanted to cry. :*( It hurt me inside. Then Phillip was being a jerk, he doesnt even seem to care about our religion. I just wanted to smack him. Then seeing everyone arrive late was irritating! Also I saw lots of people who were dating/going out, so they were holding hands. And it just made me sad cuz it seemed like they all were showing off but maybe it just looks that way cuz I am single.
I just dont seem to fit in there just yet I am kind of scared to go into singles ward. I dont really want to do it. And I know I am done with YW's I cant be there either.
Ugh just a crazy day. I just wasnt happy then Trevor texted me back and said u cant come home cuz i have to answer you back at your house. UGH I just wanted to go home and sleep but too bad. So I just sat at Arby's and waited tell he was done. So when I got home my room was covered in balloons and airheads. It was cute but I just didnt want it today. SO I had to pop all balloons and that sucked cuz i had a headache. I'll show you pictures later. and I had to piece together pieces of paper that said I would be an air head if I didnt go with you. I just need to go to bed.
Night!
Love,
Holly Jean

Ouchy pain

It started out a happy day as it has been doing lately but because of stupid periods my days end badly. IN child care people were just being pissy! I wanted to slap them and say grow up. Then foods class was lame but the treat we made was pretty darn yummy. CJ is just a flipping jerk though. Afterwards was yearbook, I just continued to write more about my HIgh School life which is LONG and lots of ups and downs and some sadness I dont want to remember. People were being stupid in that class of course! I just want a hug from friends but sometimes I sure don't feel like I have friends in that class anymore. I never know. I am so ready for school to be over. Towards the end of 8th and on I was in SOOO much pain from cramps. It was so bad that I couldn't talk to anyone or I would say something mean. So I had to go home take ibprofin and read. then I took a nap, it was just horrible today. Then sadly I had to go to work. From 4:45pm-11:45pm. It was going pretty good not bad. But slowly people left and there was only 4 of us. It got Fing busy!!! ahh I wanted to pull out my hair, or scream or just walk out. I hate it when its busy, it reminds me of times I don't want to remember. Nate had to stay later to help, but I didn't want him to stay later. He didn't mind and I KNOW he likes me. and I just can't take guys liking me anymore. I'd love the closeness and attention but for some reason I just can't take them wanting to have me. Idk I am just never gonna be able to get married unless I figure out whats wrong with me. Maybe BYU-Idaho will help *crossing fingers*
I best get to bed, I have to get up at 7am to get ready for work at 7:45 ugh
Love always,
Holly Jean